By Melissa Blake
I’m a woman. I’m physically disabled. And I’ve never been more scared than I am right now.
I sat there staring at my computer screen as the words “page not found” popped up on the White House website. My eyes did a double take and then my heart sank.
I felt like I’d just been punched in the gut as I realized that the Disabilities section had been removed from the site in the wake of President Trump’s inauguration. Just 12 hours before, after being sworn into office, he spoke of empowering the American people in his inauguration speech, saying: “Today’s ceremony, however, has very special meaning. Because today we are not merely transferring power from one administration to another or from one party to another, but we are transferring power from Washington, D.C., and giving it back to you, the American people.”
That’s not what I heard, however, as I stared at my computer screen that night, feeling angry and defeated. What I did hear was the tiny voice that has been in the back of my mind throughout my life. It’s the one that has tried to undermine me and make me doubt myself. It’s the one that has made me question my worth and my place in society.
“You don’t matter.”
“You’re not worth it.”
“You’re not a person.”
In his campaign, and so far in his presidency, that has been Trump’s message to me. And it’s not O.K. (A search for “Americans With Disabilities Act” on the White House web page returned no matches, with the suggestion “Try entering fewer or broader query terms.” That didn’t work either. An archived version of the Obama administration’s disabilities page can be found here.)
I’ve heard people say: “Well, the Trump administration is just updating the site. All those sections will be back up.” That may be true, but is that really the point? Knowing that didn’t make the discovery sting any less for me.
As we know, the president has not merely shown a total lack of awareness of disability rights issues and of the crucial role that people with disabilities can play in an inclusive society — he has been dismissive and rude toward us. We are all familiar with his mocking of the physical appearance of the Times reporter Serge Kovaleski, as we are with his denial of the real meaning of the incident, and his refusal to apologize. On matters related to us, we’ve heard nothing since.
Though I can’t speak for Kovaleski, I do feel I can identify with him. I was born with Freeman-Sheldon syndrome, a genetic bone and muscular disorder, and had 26 surgeries by my midteens. I also majored in journalism in college and worked as a reporter. There have been times when I’ve felt like my wheelchair overshadowed everything about me and there were times where I could sense the person on the other side of the interview table was taken aback upon first meeting me. I’d hate to think that Trump’s treatment of a dedicated reporter is anywhere close to indicative of how people view the disability community.
Because of my condition, I’ve spent my life feeling overlooked, excluded and underestimated. I’ve had people make assumptions about my abilities just by looking at me. I’ve had people talk over me — or, worse, assuming I can’t communicate and directing questions about me to the people around me as if I wasn’t even there. If they actually took the time to get to know me, they’d learn a few things — that I graduated from college with honors, earned a degree in journalism and have worked as a blogger and freelance writer for nearly a decade.
In all of this, if I could speak directly to Trump I would tell him this: Words have meaning. Words have power. You wield that power every time you open your mouth, and whether you acknowledge it or not, you have a responsibility to use those words thoughtfully and wisely with people’s best interests in mind. Using them hurtfully, dismissively or with contempt will have the effect of wounding certain American citizens, and those wounds will last longer than any news conference or sound bite. The internet never forgets.
It’s 2017 and the disability community has come a long way. Yet sometimes I still feel as though we’re living in the 1950s. I often struggle with finding ways to fix this. I do know that it starts with changing the way society views those with disabilities. We can no longer be seen only as shut-ins, unable to care for ourselves. More and more of us are out there, in the world, proclaiming our dignity, demanding our basic rights — in short, living our lives. Most important, we’re not going anywhere. With about 20 percent of the population living with a disability, we’re becoming harder and harder to simply overlook.
Though it has been said before, this bears repeating. What Trump has done is bullying and shaming people in the worst possible way — by judging them. I think about young people with disabilities. Has Trump given any thought to them? What about the teenager with a disability who’s getting bullied every day at school? What about the kid who has spent more time in the hospital than on the playground? What about the young woman struggling with self-esteem issues, desperately trying to come to terms with her disability? If mocking and bullying are seen as O.K., vulnerable people with disabilities may come to believe that they deserve it. I know from experience that this is a dangerous message to send.
The truth is, I’m afraid. I’m afraid of living in a country that would shun people with disabilities as if they didn’t exist. I’m afraid to live in a country that sends these kinds of messages and think it’s perfectly all right. Because it’s most definitely not all right and never will be.
If Trump really cared about giving people their power back, it would behoove him to actually sit down with members of the disability community and listen — really listen — to their stories and their concerns and their recommendations for the future.
My mantra has always been “I’m a person,” and that has never been truer than right now. Yes, I am a person. I matter. People with disabilities matter. I will never stop fighting for our rights and against bullies. I will never not be a person. I’m taking back my power and I want President Trump to know it.
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